By Brooke Brimm Countless times individuals want to hold on to a love that is not healthy
because many years have been invested. They say things like weve been together
for all these years, why leave. Sometimes people stay in a bad relationship because
it looks good to the outside world or because they are unsure what life would be
like without their mate. However, deep inside their hearts they long to experience a
truly fulfilling love. I held on to an unhealthy relationship for 7 years before I came to the
realization that it was not worth it for me to hang on any longer. The first year was
the good year and the rest were off and on, and filled with disrespect, dishonesty,
and emotional abuse. I held on because we had one thing in common, and I thought
it was enough to make a future. I honestly believed we loved each other, and that in
the end we would marry. I was wrong, and once I began to experience real love I
realized that for years I had held on to an empty dream. The term unhealthy relationship is thrown around so often by so many, that I
feel compelled to explain what I mean by this term. I mean consistent destructive,
abusive, disrespectful, unsupportive, uncaring, and demoralizing behavior. I mean
the kind of deeds that make you feel anxious to take your partner around your
friends and family, for fear of humiliation or embarrassment. I mean constant
withdrawal and abandonment, and loveless actions and responses. What happens in an unhealthy relationship is not to be confused with the
constant minor annoyances within a healthy relationship. Nor the brief phases that
partners go through, which make them seem distance. There are aspects of love
that do cause minor hurts and aggravations, but may not warrant leaving a
gratifying relationship. We may not like it or even admit it, but love can hurt. We are
imperfect beings, so we tend to have personality issues, which we bring into every
relationship we have with other imperfect beings. The result is often minor
bickering, power struggles, and hurt feelings. However, mature adults who see value
in their relationships talk over these problems and eventually work them out. They
usually become closer and develop a keen sense of understanding. There is a difference between an unhealthy relationship and a healthy
relationship with normal human clashing. If you are unsure of the kind of
relationship or friendship you are in, evaluate it, and pray for discernment.
Ask yourself these few questions:
Does this person have my best interest at heart more often than not?
Does this person have positive things to say to me more often than not?
Am I proud to have others see my relationship with this person?
Does this person forgive me easily when I mess up?
Does this person show me genuine love?
Do I feel valued in this relationship?
Do I smile and laugh when I am with this person?
Am I supported in this relationship even when I am silly, angry, unhappy,
insecure, or sad?
Do I feel free to be myself around this person?
Would others think this person abuses me? If you find that you are in a relationship or a friendship that is not healthy for
you, dont be afraid to move on. Dont think you can change the other person, just
go. To linger longer than you should will only drain you and could possibly make
you bitter. Refuse to be used, abused, hurt, misunderstood, and degraded. Know
that something or someone better is out there for you. If you find that your relationships and friendships are fulfilling, but have small
issues, keep working at it. Keep talking it out, and keep being honest and open. We
all have issues to work through, and as a result experience relationship struggles.
We can work it out if we keep working at it. Brooke Brimm has a Master's degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years
experience working in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993
and has two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm is the author of an ezine, Loves
Gumbo. Contact her at lovesgumbo@comcast.net to join. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brooke_Brimm http://EzineArticles.com/?What-is-a-Healthy-Relationship?&id=75400 buy ultram online at lowest price
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